Psalm 62:5
“Great Expectations” is a 1930’s novel by Charles Dickens about an orphan named Pip who is coming of age and has all these great expectations – hopes, dreams, aspirations – about his life and the people in it. As an orphan with a very modest upbringing, his expectations were of love, wealth, education, and social standing. There ends up being a financier who makes all this happen for Pip, and ironically, Pip is ultimately left disappointed, disenchanted, and disillusioned. In the end, his expectations of life and people didn’t match his reality.
And that’s the thing about expectations, isn’t it? They seem to be a set up for disappointment, and there are countless quotes on expectations that convey this same sentiment in one way or another. More so, we can probably all attest to the same fact based on our own lives and experiences further validating the truth of those quotes. As humans, I think it’s normal to have expectations of some sort. In fact, I would go so far as to say that we can and should have reasonable expectations others depending on the nature of our relationships with them.
But … I am not so sure about that anymore. I am in a season where the Lord is really challenging me on this. I have been disappointed too much recently(ish) to the point of noticing the pattern. He was kind to show me the root of it, and it is my “great expectations!” He is exposing them. More so, He isn’t making any distinctions between reasonable and unreasonable expectations. It’s expectations. Period.
So, as He is challenging and teaching me, I can’t say I have completely conquered this just yet. It has been and will continue to be a process. But, I do feel led to share some things He has taught me so far. My prayer is that it would help those who may need help in this area, too.
What does it mean to have “expectations?”
I have the definition below written down in my journal. I am not sure where it came from, so I am unable to give proper credit. If I can find it, I will cite it.
Expectations are “beliefs or anticipations individuals hold about future events or outcomes which can significantly influence their perceptions, behaviors, and emotional responses.”
In a nutshell, expectations are conscious or subconscious forward-looking assumptions about what we think should happen – how something should go or turn out, how someone should react or respond, what someone should say or not say, and the list goes on. In hindsight, we may feel or think, “I expected XYZ and don’t feel I got that.” This is the moment disappointment can enter the picture.
What does the bible say about expectations?
There are many verses in the Bible that instruct us on expectations, whether directly or indirectly. But there is one verse consistently highlighted to me:
My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him. ~Psalm 62:5 NKJV
This verse reinforces one really rather simple truth woven throughout the Bible, and I have heard this truth explained in this way: God is our source; everyone else is a resource. We are to look to God for everything, which includes placing our expectations in Him alone. As a praying King David demonstrates in Psalm 5, we are to be expectant of the Lord:
Listen to my voice in the morning, Lord.
Each morning I bring my requests to you and wait expectantly. ~ Psalm 5:3 NLT
How do we evaluate our expectations?
If we go back to this concept of reasonable and unreasonable expectations, I am learning it’s not about categorizing or judging my expectations. The Word says that God examines and tests the motives and intentions of our hearts and minds (Jeremiah 17:10). He knows what is behind every thought, every need, every word and action, every expectation.
As such, He is teaching me to seek Him and examine the motives and intentions my own expectations. More often than not, I find two things to be true, usually together:
- There are areas where I am used to looking to people as a source, not Jesus.
- There are expectations rooted in wounds, hurts, or trauma.
It’s difficult to admit those two things, but it is the goodness and mercy of God that exposes, corrects, heals, and redirects. It is His way to reveal in order to deal with and heal us from within.
And here is a personal testimony to share for encouragement. As I have sought Him and released my expectations of others to Him, I have seen Him move on the hearts of others to exceed my expectations just as He promises in Ephesians 3:20:
Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think. ~ Ephesians 3:20 NKJV
This has served to reinforce His goodness and faithfulness and rightful position as my source.
Expectations versus Radical Love and Grace
Many times as I process my expectations, I am encouraged to see the other person and my heart towards them as well. When I have expectations of others, I have really felt Holy Spirit challenge me with some difficult questions:
- In putting these expectations on this person, am I truly loving them like Jesus loves them, i.e. right where they are at?
- Is this person hard to love, or am I just having a hard time loving this person because of my expectations?
- Am I truly loving without expectation, without demand, without condition like Jesus does?
While difficult questions, I believe they are first meant to get my eyes off of me and back to Jesus, my source. In doing so, the questions are also to help me grow the same love, empathy, and compassion for others that Jesus has for both me and them. It helps me see how my expectations of others are devoid of the radical love and grace that Jesus has shown me.
Expectations and Offense
I have seen how the enemy likes to have a hand in all of this. He will use expectations of others and the related disappointment to try and cause division, disunity, distraction, distance, and offense. While we know we have victory through Christ Jesus (1 Corinthians 15:57), it is important to be aware of this scheme and not fall prey to it (1 Peter 5:8-9).
Expectations and the Orphan Heart [edited 15-Jun-25 (Father’s Day!) to add this section]
Finally, I started this post referencing Pip from “Great Expectations.” The fact he was an orphan in that story is important to this post.
We are considered spiritual orphans until we accept Jesus as our Savior. When we do put our faith in Jesus in this way, we are no longer orphans. We become adopted children of God – sons and daughters. (John 1:16, Romans 8:14-16, 2 Corinthians 6:18)
Once sons and daughters in relationship, Father God will work with us to uproot our orphan hearts and ways. This is a process that unfolds over time as Holy Spirit leads. Based on my own experiences shared here, I believe expectations apart from Father God reflect remnants / pieces of an orphan heart that our Father wants to heal.
In Summary
Expectations are a normal part of being human, and we have a choice to place our expectations either in Father God or in people. There is no need to classify or categorize expectations as good or bad, reasonable or unreasonable. The key is to examine the motive behind them.
Father God as our source can do exceedingly abundantly more in us and through us and others when we surrender our expectations to Him in faith – far more than man ever could or would. Expectations surrendered to Him are great expectations.
Just as I am learning to, I encourage you to entrust all your great expectations to our Good Father.
I thank you for reading, and I pray this helps you in some way. As with everything I post, I encourage you to seek Holy Spirit for yourself and allow Him to reveal truth to you.
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