Part 2: Relationship, Not Religion
As I sit here this morning by the Christmas tree, I am reflecting on the birth of Jesus and all He came into the world to do. I understand this better now, more so than I ever did before. I grew up in religion, and from that I understood He came for our salvation through the forgiveness of our sin. But, that’s where it stopped. I believed He was otherwise distant, disconnected, and detached.
I remember even from a young age fighting my mom about going to church. Yes, it could have been just me being a kid. I mean, what kid really wants to go to church? But in retrospect, it was actually much deeper than typical childhood stubbornness or rebellion. Church was boring to me. Sing, sit, stand, kneel, rotely recite some prayers from memory, take communion, get blessed by the priest, and see you next week when we’ll do it all over again.
It was all rules, all ritual. Very unfulfilling. Eventually we stopped going to church. I am sure the weekly battle became too much for my mom, and she gave up trying. I was not sad about it!
Even as that young girl, somewhere inside of me I knew there had to be something more. I just didn’t know what that was. All I knew was religion. All my family knew for generations was religion. It wasn’t for me, and I eventually rejected religion altogether. I remained a believer in the triune God (God/Jesus/Holy Spirit), but I was not living out my faith in any kind of way. It’s like I put it all in a box on a shelf in the back of my closet and left it there.
Maybe you’re in that same spot. You know there is something more, but you’re not sure what it is. Maybe you’ve put your belief and faith in a box on a shelf, wondering what exactly you’re supposed to do with it and when, if anything. Maybe you’re saving it for “some day.” Maybe you keep looking at the box, feeling the tugging in your heart, debating about unpacking it.
I understand all that. I was there. The day eventually came when I unpacked that box. And there He was. Jesus. The something more I was looking for. So, I am here to emphatically tell you Jesus is the “something more” you’re looking for. More specifically, it’s a relationship with Jesus that you’re looking for.
Relationship with Jesus is what we were created for, and He desires a relationship with us more than anything else. Among many other things, Jesus came to tear down religion in favor of a personal, individual, unique relationship with each of us individually. I therefore feel compelled in this Christmas season to tell you this and teach on it.
So, in this blog post, we will learn what it looks like to be in a relationship with Jesus. This is His heart, and it reflects the Father’s heart.
What Does It Mean to Be in a Relationship With Jesus?
In Scripture, “relationship” is about knowing, trusting, and walking with God personally, not merely performing religious duties. Religion (systems, rules, rituals) is a structure, but relationship is the heart of the Christian life because it is the heart of the Father.
In the Bible, the word “know” (Hebrew: yada, Greek: oida/ginosko) signifies a deep, relational, and experiential understanding of someone, including God, not just intellectual facts. It is based on intimacy, covenant, and personal relationship with God. Jesus modeled relationship with Father God as He walked the earth, and He repeatedly emphasized relationship to His followers:
- “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me.” (John 10:27)
- “Abide in Me, and I in you.” (John 15:4)
- “This is eternal life: that they know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ…” (John 17:3)
Therefore, a relationship with Jesus is personal, interactive, and transformative, not distant or ritualistic. It exists directly between us and Him. There is no middle man needed, required, or desired!
How Does Relationship Differ from Religion?
Below are seven practical ways relationship differs from religion and evidence that a relationship is happening. Even if we are a born again Christians, I think it’s good to revisit these and see where we need to grow a bit more in Him.
1. We know Him personally, not just about Him
Religion: I follow rules and beliefs.
Relationship: I’m learning His heart and voice.
Evidence:
- I talk to Him honestly, not formally.
- I read Scripture to hear His heart and voice, not just check a box.
- I sense conviction, comfort, or guidance from the Holy Spirit in daily life.
2. Our motivation becomes love, not obligation or duty
Religion: I serve God so He’ll accept me.
Relationship: I obey God because I love Him. I’m already accepted as His because Jesus is my Lord and Savior.
Evidence:
- My desire to do what pleases God grows naturally and organically.
- Guilt-driven or fear-based obedience decreases.
- I feel free, not pressured (Gal. 5:1).
3. We experience transformation from the inside out, not just behavior modification
Religion: I will try harder.
Relationship: I will let Him change me by the power of His Holy Spirit.
Evidence:
- Inner changes: patience, compassion, humility, forgiveness.
- I notice the “fruit of the Spirit” emerging and growing (Gal. 5:22–23).
- I begin to want what He wants.
4. We talk with Him throughout the day
Religion: I recite prayers I have memorized. I use a formula to pray.
Relationship: I have a living, ongoing conversation with Him.
Evidence:
- I bring Him into small things—stress, joy, decisions.
- Prayer becomes natural and led by the Holy Spirit, not forced or fleshly.
- I sense God’s presence or peace in everyday moments.
5. We depend on His grace through faith, not our performance
Religion: I please God when I perform well. My good behavior and good works are what He needs to save me.
Relationship: God loves me for me, even when I’m weak and miss the mark. His grace is sufficient (2 Cor 12:9).
Evidence:
- I repent quickly directly to Him instead of hiding or beating myself up.
- I rest in forgiveness.
- I find peace and security in what Jesus did for me, not in what I do for Jesus.
6. We desire His will over our own
Religion: I do what’s expected of me.
Relationship: I’m surrendered to Him and His will for my life.
Evidence:
- I ask God for direction with genuine openness.
- I’m willing to let Him close doors or redirect my life.
- I notice alignment between my choices and His ways.
7. We love others from our changed / transformed heart
Last, but surely not least! Jesus said the greatest evidence of relationship with Him is love (John 13:35).
Evidence:
- Increased forgiveness toward difficult people.
- Compassion and generosity rise.
- I start to see people as He sees them.
Summary: What Are Practical Signs We’re in Relationship with Jesus?
- We talk to Him personally.
- We seek Him in Scripture to know Him.
- We listen for His guidance and peace.
- We desire what He desires.
- We see the Holy Spirit changing you over time.
- Our choices increasingly reflect His heart.
- Our love for others deepens.
- Our trust His grace, not your performance.
I pray this helps, encourages, and blesses you. I share all this because, first and foremost, I felt led to. Secondly, as someone who came out of religion and into relationship, my heart yearns to see people free from religion and in a personal relationship with Jesus. It’s the greatest thing ever, and there is no greater time to take that box off the shelf and unpack what’s waiting for you inside. He’s waiting for you.
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